blue-accreditedbusinessweb
Stan Hawaiin shirt
IRS Humor

EASY TAX SOLUTIONS

natplogomembercolorlarge

for appointment, please call         719-592-0019

Stan Lebahn: Enrolled Agent:  Licensed to practice before the IRS

Most answers to your tax questions can be found in IRS Pub 17

Click on the link above, then simply enter a topic in the search box.  It’s a lot quicker than clalling the IRS phone line and more acurate, I’m sure!

As a personalized service, I take the time needed for each individual!

Do you need a good laugh?  Taxes can be rather funny sometimes.  Laughter relieves stress and has been proven to improve health. If you have any funny IRS experiences, and wouldn’t mind sharing them, please e-mail them to me.

“Real stories dealing with the IRS.

The IRS checked up on a large charity donation made by a Mr. Thompson. The investigator asked the minister of the church about the contribution: "Did Mr. Thompson give a gift of ten thousand dollars last year?"
The minister answered, "He certainly will!"


A Dutch pastor was explaining the red, white and blue Netherlands flag to an American pastor.  The first pastor said, "Our flag is symbolic of our taxes.  We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."  The American nodded his understanding. "I know what you mean. It's the same in the United States, only we see stars too."

  • "Benjamin Franklin said nothing is certain but death and taxes: but at least death doesn't get worse every year."
    Anon

A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered tax evaders.

 Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi.

 

Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

 

"Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."

"Yes," answered the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.

"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."

 

"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer, so he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way...

"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases?  What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."

 

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard now how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"

"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi.  "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the I.R.S."

"The I.R.S.?," questioned the auditor in disbelief.

 

"Ahh, yes," replied the Rabbi, " the I.R.S. " ...and about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."

  

An old preacher

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members) to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

 

We Deliver

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."

"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver."

 

Another Novel Letter to the IRS!

April 23, 2001

Internal Revenue Service
State Processing Center
Holtsville, NY 01150-0115

Dear Taxmen/women:

Enclosed is my 2001 tax return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the February 8, 2001 USA Today newspaper which serves as my Year 2000 Tax guide.

In the article, you will see that the Pentagon pays $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a 1.5 inch screw.

(See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 each 1.5 inch Phillips head screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,
J. Smith

 

If Congress can pay farmers not to raise crops,
why can't we pay Congress not to raise taxes?

 

~~~~~

Did you ever notice?
When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells: "THEIRS."

~~~~~

Doing your own income tax return is a lot like a do-it-yourself mugging.

~~~~~

 

Real stories dealing with the IRS.   I advise you always do whats’ right!

The information belloow has been collected from varios sources.  All of it is anonomous.

One gentleman recently wrote asking for some tax advice and this is what happened.

My bank paid an IRS Levy with no funds in my account.  They mailed me a letter previous to sending the funds to the IRS stating my funds were being held. I was able to withdraw these funds through their ATM with my debit card, which left insufficient funds to pay the levy. The bank has filed a suit in small claims court seeking repayment of these funds claiming that my account is in overdraft. My contention is they paid the IRS with insufficient funds in the account and did not exercise due diligence in controlling the funds.”
~~~~~

Well,sorry to say, but you’re in trouble. But…maybe not. Depends on how smart the judge is.

Here’s how the process is supposed to work.

1) Your bank gets a levy notice from IRS, which requires they give IRS the amount of the levy, or the total amount of money in the account on the day of the notice, whichever is lower.

2) Your bank freezes your account for the appropriate amount on the day of the notice.

3) You should get a copy of the levy notice from either IRS or the bank, which gives you about 20 days from the date of the notice to resolve this with IRS – or the bank must turn over
the funds. In this case, the bank notified you.

4) You should not have been able to take any money out of your bank via your ATM, unless the balance in your account on the day you drew the funds was higher than the balance
in the account on the day of the levy. The funds should have been frozen.

You should have received a message telling you that you had exceeded your balance. The little statement printout should have summarized something like this:

Funds in the account $400
Funds available for use $200

Once the levy hit the account, it was the bank’s responsibility to prevent you from drawing it.

But, since you drew out that money after you received the levy notice, to deliberately get it out of IRS’s hands, you’re breaking Federal laws.  I would not being going to court and blaming the bank for lack of due diligence. A smart judge would throw the book at you!

And they’d lecture you about taking responsibility for your actions.

On the other hand, the bank never should have given you access to that money.  It was their responsibility to freeze those funds.  And they never should have sent the money out to IRS if there were insufficient funds in the account. So, you do have a defense..

But remember, no matter what happens with the bank, you still owe the IRS enough money to have them go to the effort of putting levies on your bank account. If you don’t take care of this with IRS right away, your paycheck is next.